Connection Gem of the Week
Reigniting Intimacy
One thing that makes new relationships exciting and intimate is the experience of being seen and celebrated. When you begin a romantic relationship you notice and delight in your partner in a thousand ways. This is pretty easy to do when you are high on love chemicals and you haven’t yet hit major stressors. As your relationship continues and you encounter difficulty the ease around delighting in each other may change but the need for it doesn’t.
Consistently expressing to your partner what you see and delight in, in them is like eating vegetables. You eat vegetables every day because it keeps your body healthy. Your relationship needs the same kind of consistent nurturing.
Celebrating and seeing your partner doesn’t mean offering praise or overused phrases like “good job”, “you did great”, “that’s wonderful honey”. It means sharing from your heart and being specific.
Let’s imagine a scenario. Jorge and Julia have been together for 32 years. Jorge comes home one evening and sees Julia in the garden. She has loved gardening since he met her years ago. The scene is a familiar one. Jorge pauses to watch her and this time he really takes her in. He notices the way she tucks her hair behind her ear. He sees the slight smile and look of satisfaction as she drops ripe tomatoes in her basket. He watches the way she moves being gentle and careful in her step. Julia looks up and sees him looking on. “What?” she says. Jorge walks over to her and says, “I love seeing you in the garden. The gentleness and love you express and how much you enjoy yourself. I am so happy you have this.”
Here Jorge expresses his delight in something meaningful and alive in his partner. Celebrating your partner in this subtle heartfelt way every day can help wake up the intimacy between two hearts that have drifted apart.
This week celebrate your partner at least once each day. Put a bead in your pocket at the start of every morning as a reminder of your intention.