Jackal Dictionary

Part of cultivating compassion is learning to hear the feelings and needs people are expressing regardless of the words they use. This dictionary is meant to help you in that process. If you are having difficulty guessing the feelings and needs behind someone's words, you can enter the words or phrase into the Jackal Dictionary search engine. A list of possible feelings and needs will pop up for you to consider. Have fun and let me know how it works for you.

• (Insert least favorite politician) is a nazi!
  Feelings: Irate, afraid
  Needs: Security, freedom, preservation of life
  
• Don't blame me!
  Feelings: fear, anger, hurt
  Needs: to be seen, acceptance, mutuality
  
• He has a bad attitude about women.
  Feelings: Anger, disappointment
  Needs: Consideration, equality, respect
  
• He/she is a bully.
  Feelings: angry, indignant, disillusioned
  Needs: fairness, autonomy, honor
  
• How are you going to fix this?
  Feelings: Frustrated, disappointed
  Needs: Safety, trust, support, clarity
  
• How could you let them take advantage of you?
  Feelings: Frightened, disappointed, appalled
  Needs: Honesty, fairness, independence
  
• How do you expect to make it alone?
  Feelings: Anxious
  Needs: Security
  
• I can't do this anymore, I can't take the pressure.
  Feelings: Overwhelmed, alone
  Needs: Connection, support, choice
  
• I can't explain what's going on for me.
  Feelings: Confused, overwhelmed
  Needs: Clarity, connection
  
• I didn't tell you because I knew it would make you mad.
  Feelings: Worried, agitated
  Needs: Safety, consideration, peace
  
• I just have to carry on, it's my responsibility.
  Feelings: Tired, gloomy, overwhelmed
  Needs: Security, respect, honor
  
• I love you so much, I'd die without you!
  Feelings: Joyful, alive
  Needs: Love, connection
  
• I need to make everything right
  Feelings: Worried, concerned
  Needs: Need to serve, integrity
  
• I should be able to understand everything.
  Feelings: Worried, overwhelmed, uneasy
  Needs: Security, competence, order
  
• I shouldn't risk failing. I probably can’t do it anyway.
  Feelings: Frustrated, depressed, tired
  Needs: Competency, purpose, autonomy
  
• I shouldn’t be so emotional.
  Feelings: Fear, shame
  Needs: Expression, clarity
  
• I work hard; I deserve to come home to a clean house.
  Feelings: disappointed, exhausted, resentful
  Needs: ease, mutuality, support
  
• I would like to hear you say I was right.
  Feelings: pain, hurt, sadness, frustration
  Needs: to be seen & heard, trust,
  
• I'm not going to be a very good department chair.
  Feelings: Apprehensive, anxious
  Needs: Competence, respect, belonging
  
• If I were more disciplined, I would exercise regularly.
  Feelings: Frustrated, disappointed, guilty
  Needs: Health, self-respect
  
• If you don't help me clean, we won’t be able to spend time together.
  Feelings: frustrated, anxious,
  Needs: cooperation, cleanliness, connection, peace
  
• Is that really your best effort?!?
  Feelings: Disappointment, embarrassment
  Needs: Contribution, competency
  
• It's all your fault!
  Feelings: embarrassed, anxious
  Needs: predictability, collaboration, acceptance
  
• I’m incompetent, I can't understand this.
  Feelings: Frustration, anxious
  Needs: Contribution, autonomy, clarity
  
• I’m stupid.
  Feelings: Dejected, fearful
  Needs: Success, happiness
  
• Look what you did, What were you thinking?
  Feelings: disappointed, anxious
  Needs: trust, safety, competence
  
• Men drive sports-cars because they’re overcompensating for shortcomings.
  Feelings: Envious, resentful
  Needs: Integrity, to be seen/known
  
• Racists should be rounded up and shot!
  Feelings: Rage, appalled
  Needs: Respect, harmony
  
• See how nice you are today? Why can't you always be nice like this?
  Feelings: relieved, pleased
  Needs: harmony, caring, respect
  
• She didn’t get enough hugs growing up.
  Feelings: Exasperated, sympathetic
  Needs: Fairness, growth
  
• Taking care of my neck is just an excuse for not teaching this quarter.
  Feelings: Guilty, confused
  Needs: Contribution, integrity, honesty
  
• That’s not whole-hearted effort.
  Feelings: Disappointed, discouraged
  Needs: Authenticity, integrity
  
• That’s what you get for being unprepared.
  Feelings: Exasperated, frustrated
  Needs: Efficiency, competence
  
• The trouble with you is that you can't accept authority.
  Feelings: agitated, nervous, resentful
  Needs: clarity, cooperation, mutuality, contribution
  
• We have to go to work and sit in a cubicle all day, that's the way life is.
  Feelings: Frustration, despair
  Needs: Acceptance, harmony
  
• We should be on time.
  Feelings: anxious, impatient, embarrassed
  Needs: Consideration, support, respect, community
  
• Why are you being so argumentative?
  Feelings: Frustration, confusion
  Needs: Connection, clarity, understanding
  
• Why are you so mean?
  Feelings: Afraid, confused
  Needs: Love, warmth, acceptance
  
• Why aren't you listening to me?
  Feelings: Frustrated, disappointed
  Needs: Acknowledgment, respect
  
• Why can't I get my ducks in a row?
  Feelings: Apprehensive, overwhelmed
  Needs: Sustenance, meaning
  
• Why can't the house be more organized?
  Feelings: Frustration, anxious, exasperated
  Needs: Order, structure, efficiency, support
  
• Why can't you listen to me?
  Feelings: irritated, hurt, discouraged
  Needs: to be seen and heard, expression, connection
  
• Why don't you have a better job?
  Feelings: Anxious, disappointment
  Needs: Security, competence
  
• Why won't you talk to me?
  Feelings: Hurt, frustrated
  Needs: Connection, cooperation, trust
  
• You always do this!
  Feelings: Frustrated, despair
  Needs: Choice, security, trust
  
• You always interrupt me!
  Feelings: resentful, irritated
  Needs: acknowledgement, respect, to be heard
  
• You are lazy.
  Feelings: Impatient, irritated
  Needs: Support, mutuality
  
• You are seeking outside of yourself.
  Feelings: Impatience, frustration
  Needs: Self-reliance, independence, autonomy
  
• You are so selfish
  Feelings: angry, hurt
  Needs: mutuality, consideration, caring
  
• You are such a bitch
  Feelings: angry, hurt, scared
  Needs: respect, consideration, empathy
  
• You aren't good enough to succeed, sorry.
  Feelings: Disappointed, dejected
  Needs: Competence, reassurance
  
• You better have a good explanation for this!
  Feelings: Alarmed, worried
  Needs: Understanding, serenity
  
• You can't even sweep the floor right.
  Feelings: Furious, impatient
  Needs: Competence, cooperation
  
• You cannot be relied upon.
  Feelings: Disappointed, confused
  Needs: Security, consistency
  
• You did this to yourself.
  Feelings: disconnected, guilt, frustrated, anguish
  Needs: mutual responsibility, competence, preservation of life
  
• You don't know how to take care of yourself.
  Feelings: Worried, frustrated
  Needs: Preservation of life, reassurance
  
• You have to see deeply.
  Feelings: Impatient, concerned
  Needs: Competency, growth, learning
  
• You need to be less sensitive and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
  Feelings: uncomfortable, overwhelmed
  Needs: ease, clarity
  
• You need to clarify what you want in life.
  Feelings: Confused, overwhelmed
  Needs: Clarity, safety
  
• You never learned to listen because your whole family never listens
  Feelings: impatient, annoyed
  Needs: competence, to be heard
  
• You should be over this by now.
  Feelings: Impatient, overwhelmed
  Needs: Efficiency, ease, harmony
  
• You should just commit.
  Feelings: concerned, anxious
  Needs: predictability, responsibility, trust
  
• You shouldn’t feel angry.
  Feelings: Frustration, anguish
  Needs: Connection, acceptance
  
• You were a good daughter the first day or two, now you are only showing the worst sides of yourself, I can only be sad and disappointed in you.
  Feelings: sad, dissappointed, confused
  Needs: clarity, understanding, harmony
  
• You were wrong not to tell me about the broken dishes.
  Feelings: Anger, disappointment
  Needs: Honesty, respect
  
• You will keep the house clean and the way I want it or I'm not living here.
  Feelings: Angry, disappointed
  Needs: Cleanliness, support
  
• You withdraw when you are upset because you are trying to punish me.
  Feelings: Resentful, afraid
  Needs: Connection, security, safety
  
• You're a child molester.
  Feelings: horror, fear, grief, shock
  Needs: respect, safety, peace, healing
  
• You're afraid to take risks.
  Feelings: downhearted, hopeless, worry
  Needs: purpose, stimulation, contribution
  
• You're just jealous.
  Feelings: defensive, hurt, disheartened
  Needs: acknowledgment, harmony, acceptance
  
• You're not being generous enough.
  Feelings: Disappointment, guilt
  Needs: Contribution, effectiveness
  
• You're not hearing me!
  Feelings: frustrated, lonely
  Needs: to be heard/seen, empathy, connection
  
• You're pissing me off!
  Feelings: anger, frustration
  Needs: understanding, cooperation
  
• You're so arrogant (full of yourself, know it all, egotistical)
  Feelings: frustrated, hurt, angry
  Needs: consideration, to be seen/heard, mutuality
  
• You're such a control freak.
  Feelings: Stressed, frustrated
  Needs: Autonomy, respect,
  
• Your problem is that you won't tell me what you want.
  Feelings: Sad, impatient
  Needs: Bonding, connection
  
• Your room is such a disgusting mess, I should just throw everything in the trash.
  Feelings: disappointed, frustrated, worried
  Needs: order, responsibility, collaboration, appreciation