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Sharing NVC

Sometimes the best way to share NVC (Nonviolent Communication) is not to share NVC. That is to say, it is usually not so connecting to educate people who haven't asked you to do so.

There is a natural inclination to share with others something you are excited about, to celebrate this new thing you are learning. In the case of NVC, it can be a slippery slope from celebrating to educating to telling others how they should communicate.

I have seen examples of this in situations where both people have had NVC training and in situations where just one person has had training.

For example, if you and someone close to have both had some NVC training, you might have heard yourself say something like this: "You are not using NVC! If you were using NVC we wouldn't have this problem!"

Of course, the irony is that in saying this you yourself have stepped out of NVC consciousness and into to blame and demand.

The most powerful way to share NVC is to let awareness of connection inform your thoughts and words.

Living from a NVC consciousness in the example above you might say, "I am feeling frustrated because I want to connect and I don't know how right now. Would you be willing to wait a few moments while I take a few breaths and find different words?"

With a partner or family and friends that don't know anything about NVC, you can teach them by offering empathy and honest expression consistently in your interactions. They might notice something different is going on and get curious. Wait for that question – "How did you do that?" Then offer a few sentences and see if they want more.

This week choose one person you would like to share NVC with. Look for opportunities to offer empathy and share what's most alive in you.

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