Information in Celebration
It's hard to emphasize enough how helpful celebration of needs met can be. Couples often come to me wanting skills and understanding regarding their problems. I offer this and it helps and at the same time I notice that they are also meeting a lot of needs for each other, but missing out on the important information meeting needs provides.
This week a woman in a couple expressed a celebration. She said her partner was just more there, softer. I asked her to get specific about what he said or did that gave her that sense. It took a few minutes before she could remember what happened. Finally she said to her partner, "This week I noticed that when I said something as you were passing by you stopped and turned to look at me as I talked." I then asked her to name the needs that were met when he did this. The list was long: support, collaboration, communion, being heard, connection, and love.
Her partner was surprised hearing how many needs got met in his simple willingness to stop and listen when she spoke. I offered that knowing what simple things they do that meets needs is an invaluable resource in times of stress when other more elaborate ways of loving each other aren't happening.
In addition, identifying and celebrating these simple things daily builds a foundation of connection and partnership every day.
Here are some simple street giraffe ways to celebrate little things throughout the day:
-Thanks, that gives me a sense of support and caring.
-I sure do soak up that affection. It helps me feel relaxed.
-I really get that you hear me when you say it back like that.
-Wow, you remembered I needed a bag lunch tomorrow. I feel so taken care of.
-When you get home and come straight to find me for a hug, my heart fills up cuz I know I am loved.
This week challenge yourself to do at least one celebration of needs met with someone close to you. Remember it can be as simple as one sentence like the examples above. The most important part is to include the specific behavior, the needs it met for you, and the feelings that were present.