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Guidelines for Self-Reflection

In a world that values all things fast, slick, and efficient, it's not so easy to stop in the middle of a conversation, close your eyes and connect with what's really going on for you.

The ironic thing is that the more time you take to get clear inside yourself the more efficient your conversations will be.

Sometimes you do take the time to go inside and its all a jumble in there.  I find it helpful to have some basic guide questions for self-reflection.  Here they are:

1. Observations:    "What just happened?"  "What did s/he just say or do?"  (For example, "S/he leaned closer and said it's my fault.").

  • "What am I telling myself?" (For example, "I am telling myself s/he is judging me." "I'm telling myself s/he is disrespecting me". "I'm telling myself I am wrong." This is sometimes called watching your jackal show. It can be very helpful to write down or say out loud all the judgments coming up for you. Getting them outside your head helps you to see them for what they are and begin to identify the feelings and needs underneath.

2.    Body:  What sensations am I noticing in my body?

  • Where do I tense up or relax?
  • Do I notice a temperature change?
  • Do I shift positions?

•    What's happening with my energy body - fuzzy, lopsided, leaning forward, contracting, expanding?

3.    Feelings:  Feeling into my heart what emotions are there?  (use the feelings list here if you check in with you heart and no feeling comes up).

4.    Needs:  "What am I needing right now?"  "What's important to me about this?"   (Use your needs list).

5.    Requests / Action:  What do I want to do or say now? This week experiment with asking for a pause in at least one conversation.  Use these questions to connect with yourself during that pause.  You can also practice getting in the habit of asking yourself these questions by reflecting on at least one interaction each day.

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Staying with "No"

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