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Gem Archives

My Connection Gem of the Week takes a specific issue in NVC and walks you through an example of how it is applied in real-life situations.

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May 09, 2012 When Your Partner Runs Out of Gas-Part 2 1 Comment
May 03, 2012 When Your Partner Runs Out of Gas 3 Comments
Apr 26, 2012 Empathy vs. Investigation 2 Comments
Apr 19, 2012 Creating Safety 1 Comment
Apr 12, 2012 Apologies in NVC 4 Comments
Apr 04, 2012 The Alarms – Anger, Guilt, & Shame 2 Comments
Mar 29, 2012 Wriggling Away from Anxiety Add a Comment
Mar 22, 2012 Meeting Criticism with Criticism 6 Comments
Mar 16, 2012 The Dating Game 1 Comment
Feb 15, 2012 When Your Past Shows Up in the Present Add a Comment
Feb 09, 2012 Asking for the Love You Want 1 Comment
Feb 02, 2012 Getting Started with Mindfulness & Jackals 2 Comments
Jan 25, 2012 Accepting Your Partner Too Much 10 Comments
Jan 18, 2012 Feeling "Excluded" 4 Comments
Jan 13, 2012 Choosing Attachment 2 Comments
Jan 06, 2012 Asking for and Giving Advice 7 Comments
Dec 29, 2011 Lost Love & the Drive Towards Wholeness 3 Comments
Dec 23, 2011 Making Clear Requests Add a Comment
Dec 15, 2011 The Stress of Fear & Clinging Add a Comment
Dec 09, 2011 Depression and Abandoning Yourself 5 Comments
Dec 04, 2011 Depression 6 Comments
Nov 16, 2011 Identify Your Needs On The Fly 4 Comments
Nov 10, 2011 Your Partner's Self-Criticism 2 Comments
Nov 03, 2011 Build a Bridge before Crossing 3 Comments
Oct 27, 2011 Your Partner's Reactivity isn't About You 3 Comments
Oct 20, 2011 There's No Such Thing as Independence Add a Comment
Oct 13, 2011 The Basics of Working with Reactivity 5 Comments
Oct 05, 2011 Naming and Owning Reactivity 2 Comments
Sep 29, 2011 Responding to Jackals in the Moment 1 Comment
Sep 22, 2011 Your Tired Partner 4 Comments
Sep 14, 2011 Responding to "Big Personalities" 5 Comments
Sep 07, 2011 Working too hard at Listening? Add a Comment
Sep 01, 2011 Catching Your Partner in the Wrong Add a Comment
Aug 18, 2011 Building Trust Add a Comment
Aug 10, 2011 Pulling at Your Distant Partner 9 Comments
Aug 04, 2011 Hearing without Defending 3 Comments
Jul 27, 2011 Changing Relationship with Less Technology 3 Comments
Jul 21, 2011 Curiosity for Poor Decisions 2 Comments
Jul 14, 2011 Managing Emotions and Herding Cats 5 Comments
Jul 07, 2011 How "Acceptance" Escalates Conflict Add a Comment
Jun 30, 2011 Family Member in Trouble 7 Comments
Jun 23, 2011 Complaining II 2 Comments
Jun 02, 2011 When Every Request is a Demand 4 Comments
May 11, 2011 Loving without Giving Yourself Away 3 Comments
May 05, 2011 Responding to "You always...!" 1 Comment
Apr 21, 2011 Working Hard to be Seen 2 Comments
Apr 13, 2011 Complaining 1 Comment
Apr 06, 2011 NVC in the Workplace 4 Comments
Mar 24, 2011 Pause & Resource 1 Comment
Mar 15, 2011 Understanding & Responding to Blame 7 Comments
Mar 11, 2011 Taking Responsibility for Your Healing 4 Comments
Mar 03, 2011 Self-Expression & Identity Add a Comment
Feb 25, 2011 Before the Heated Argument 2 Comments
Feb 16, 2011 Guidelines for Self-Reflection Add a Comment
Feb 10, 2011 Staying with "No" Add a Comment
Feb 02, 2011 Intention and Effect Add a Comment
Jan 27, 2011 The Attraction of Blame 1 Comment
Jan 20, 2011 "I can't be myself in this relationship" 6 Comments
Jan 11, 2011 Equanimity with Painful Feelings 5 Comments
Jan 05, 2011 Basic Guidelines for Dialogue 1 Comment
Dec 29, 2010 Asking for Presence Add a Comment
Dec 22, 2010 Taking Care of Yourself When Visiting Family 3 Comments
Dec 15, 2010 Basics for Self-Empathy 2 Comments
Dec 08, 2010 Expectations of Your Partner Add a Comment
Nov 25, 2010 Setting Boundaries around Reactivity 1 Comment
Nov 18, 2010 Setting Boundaries from the Inside 7 Comments
Nov 05, 2010 Facing the "Difficult" Person 15 Comments
Oct 28, 2010 Analyzing Your Partner's Needs Add a Comment
Oct 21, 2010 Moving from Attachment to Abundance 2 Comments
Oct 14, 2010 Heart-full Requests 1 Comment
Oct 07, 2010 Making Your Relationship a Priority Without Losing Yourself Add a Comment
Sep 30, 2010 When You "Have To" (Belonging vs. Choice) Add a Comment
Sep 23, 2010 Slow Isn't Everything Add a Comment
Sep 15, 2010 Big Emotion Add a Comment
Sep 09, 2010 Loving Someone for Who They Are 6 Comments
Sep 01, 2010 Control Disguised as a Request Add a Comment
Aug 25, 2010 Hearing Criticism from Others 6 Comments
Aug 18, 2010 A Pitfall of Improving Your Relationship 1 Comment
Aug 11, 2010 Trapped in Reactive Thinking 1 Comment
Aug 04, 2010 Hiding from Your Partner Add a Comment
Jul 28, 2010 Making a Safe Space for Requests Add a Comment
Jul 22, 2010 Emergency Measures for Escalating Arguments 1 Comment
Jul 11, 2010 Helpful Time-outs 1 Comment
Jul 07, 2010 Information in Celebration 1 Comment
Jun 30, 2010 Why reviewing the rules doesn't help? 3 Comments
Jun 24, 2010 A Stable Sense of Support in Economic Instability Add a Comment
Jun 17, 2010 Do you have more or less of a need? 5 Comments
Jun 10, 2010 Shame Jackals Keep You Stuck 3 Comments
Jun 03, 2010 The True Purpose of Appreciation 1 Comment
May 27, 2010 Empathy Doesn't Have to Wear You Out 3 Comments
May 20, 2010 You've Asked Over & Over Again 1 Comment
May 10, 2010 Invalidating Other's Feelings vs. Listening with Empathy 3 Comments
May 05, 2010 Finding Aliveness - When You Are Being Talked At 1 Comment
Apr 29, 2010 How Staying Positive Can Leave You Lonely 4 Comments
Apr 22, 2010 Responding to Arguments Against NVC 4 Comments
Apr 16, 2010 You don't have to agree to be supportive 2 Comments
Apr 09, 2010 In a Mucky Conversation come back to Observation 1 Comment
Apr 01, 2010 Apologies That Mean Something 3 Comments
Mar 18, 2010 Alarm Feelings - Anger, Guilt, Shame, & Depression 4 Comments
Mar 11, 2010 Screaming in Anger Add a Comment
Mar 03, 2010 Giving Yourself Compassion 3 Comments
Feb 10, 2010 Saying No 1 Comment
Feb 04, 2010 When Empathy Doesn't Work 1 Comment
Jan 28, 2010 No More Compromise 1 Comment
Jan 21, 2010 Interrupting to Connect 2 Comments
Jan 15, 2010 Empathy for Long Term Relationships 1 Comment
Jan 01, 2010 When Message Sent Isn't Message Received Add a Comment
Dec 17, 2009 When Your Past Shows Up in the Present 3 Comments
Dec 11, 2009 When You Just Want an Apology! 5 Comments
Dec 02, 2009 A Vision of Success with a Stuck Argument Add a Comment
Nov 27, 2009 Becoming the Perfect You 2 Comments
Nov 18, 2009 Working too hard at Listening? 4 Comments
Oct 29, 2009 Monogamy in a World of Attractive Others 4 Comments
Oct 25, 2009 Avoiding the Resentful Listener Add a Comment
Oct 15, 2009 Comparing Yourself to Others 1 Comment
Oct 01, 2009 When Others don't receive your empathy Add a Comment
Sep 24, 2009 Getting Stuck Arguments Unstuck Add a Comment
Sep 17, 2009 Jackal Language & Reactivity 2 Comments
Sep 14, 2009 Asking the Impossible vs. Do-able Requests 3 Comments
Sep 02, 2009 Reigniting Intimacy Add a Comment
Aug 27, 2009 Angry & Resentful Add a Comment
Aug 20, 2009 Dissolving Reactivity Add a Comment
Aug 13, 2009 Defending Against Intimacy Add a Comment
Aug 06, 2009 Showing Your Partner that S/he is a Priority 4 Comments
Jul 30, 2009 Supporting Your Partner's Autonomy 3 Comments
Jul 23, 2009 Come Closer, Give Me Space Add a Comment
Jul 14, 2009 Asking for Respect 2 Comments
Jul 09, 2009 When You Want to Scream 2 Comments
Jul 02, 2009 Decision Making Add a Comment
Jun 25, 2009 When Everything Changes Add a Comment
Jun 18, 2009 When You Want More Conversation Add a Comment
Jun 11, 2009 If only you were different, he would change 4 Comments
Jun 03, 2009 Empathy Hostage Add a Comment
May 27, 2009 Success with Reactivity 1 Comment
May 21, 2009 The Relationship Score Card 2 Comments
May 10, 2009 Keeping Boundaries Add a Comment
May 07, 2009 Compassion for Yourself Add a Comment
Apr 22, 2009 We Live to Serve Add a Comment
Apr 16, 2009 Between Needs and Strategies Add a Comment
Apr 08, 2009 A Competition in Suffering 2 Comments
Apr 02, 2009 Pausing for Self-Reflection 3 Comments
Mar 26, 2009 Obsessed with What's Wrong 1 Comment
Mar 18, 2009 Death by Compromise Add a Comment
Mar 11, 2009 Slippery Conversations 1 Comment
Mar 06, 2009 Anger – A Help and A Hindrance Add a Comment
Feb 26, 2009 Anxious about Anxiety 1 Comment
Feb 19, 2009 Why you want an apology and Why it's not enough 1 Comment
Feb 05, 2009 Saying No Means Saying Yes 1 Comment
Jan 28, 2009 Invalidating Other’s Feelings Add a Comment
Jan 22, 2009 A Volume Knob for Needs Add a Comment
Jan 15, 2009 A Little Listening Disconnect 1 Comment
Jan 08, 2009 Manipulation 3 Comments
Jan 01, 2009 Pitfalls of Praise Add a Comment
Dec 26, 2008 Family & Holidays 1 Comment
Dec 18, 2008 Looking for Depth in Your Relationship Add a Comment
Dec 03, 2008 Stuck in the Past (part 2) Add a Comment
Nov 28, 2008 Stuck in the Past (part 1) Add a Comment
Nov 20, 2008 Making Reactivity Easier Add a Comment
Nov 12, 2008 Why not ask “why”? Add a Comment
Nov 05, 2008 Safely Criticizing Add a Comment
Oct 30, 2008 The Confusing Question: "How are you?" 1 Comment
Oct 22, 2008 Tired of Defending Against Jackal Ears Add a Comment
Oct 16, 2008 Deadening Monologues Add a Comment
Oct 09, 2008 Is that a Threat? Add a Comment
Oct 02, 2008 Disagree and Celebrate Anyway Add a Comment
Sep 25, 2008 Chasing Happiness Add a Comment
Sep 18, 2008 Anchoring Conflict in Specifics Add a Comment
Sep 11, 2008 You Don’t Want to Hurt Their Feelings (Part 2) Add a Comment
Aug 28, 2008 You Don’t Want to Hurt Their Feelings Add a Comment
Aug 22, 2008 Who’s Abandoning Who? Add a Comment
Aug 17, 2008 "Feeling Trapped" Add a Comment
Aug 07, 2008 Making Demands Add a Comment
Jul 31, 2008 Get Curious about Broken Agreements Add a Comment
Jul 26, 2008 Sharing NVC Add a Comment
Jul 19, 2008 Akido with Demands Add a Comment
Jul 12, 2008 Saying Thank You Add a Comment
Jul 01, 2008 “Falling Out of Love” Add a Comment
Jun 22, 2008 Connection with Your Noisy Neighbor 2 Comments
Jun 20, 2008 Moving from Self-Criticism to Self- Empathy 2 Comments
Jun 12, 2008 What’s Between Self-Criticism and Self- Empathy? (Part 1) 2 Comments
Jun 03, 2008 Empathy: Meeting the Jackals Add a Comment
May 28, 2008 Sex (part 2): Talking about Sex Add a Comment
May 12, 2008 Sex (part 1): Is it a Need or a Strategy? Add a Comment
May 06, 2008 Control: A Universal Strategy Add a Comment
Apr 29, 2008 Giraffe & Jackal Gestures Add a Comment
Apr 25, 2008 What are you telling yourself? Add a Comment
Apr 15, 2008 Your Stuck Friend (Part 2) Add a Comment
Apr 08, 2008 Your Stuck Friend (Part 1) Add a Comment
Mar 26, 2008 One Need Add a Comment
Mar 18, 2008 Sharing Unmet Needs from Abundance Add a Comment
Mar 11, 2008 When a Child Lies Add a Comment
Mar 02, 2008 Star Trek Empathy Add a Comment
Feb 26, 2008 Helpful Time-outs Add a Comment
Feb 19, 2008 “But it didn’t happen that way!” Add a Comment
Feb 12, 2008 Questions: A Cry for Empathy in Disguise Add a Comment
Feb 05, 2008 Responding to ”Lawyering” Add a Comment
Jan 30, 2008 Lawyering for Your Needs Add a Comment
Jan 22, 2008 Conspiring for Compassion Add a Comment
Jan 15, 2008 Verbal “Attacks” from Strangers Add a Comment
Jan 08, 2008 Stuck Anger at Family Members Add a Comment
Dec 31, 2007 Catch and Release Program for Jackals Add a Comment
Dec 25, 2007 Integrity & Responsibility Add a Comment
Dec 11, 2007 Jackals that Bounce, Jackals that Stick Add a Comment
Nov 27, 2007 Empathy When Things are Fine Add a Comment
Nov 20, 2007 Your Ranting Boss 1 Comment
Nov 13, 2007 The Trap of Forgiveness Add a Comment
Nov 06, 2007 Meeting Prejudice Add a Comment
Oct 30, 2007 Runaway Truck Ramps: Downshifting into NVC Consciousness Add a Comment
Oct 23, 2007 Gossip Add a Comment
Oct 16, 2007 Dead Job Interviews Add a Comment
Oct 09, 2007 Pulling Others Out of Suffering Add a Comment
Oct 02, 2007 Making Others Accountable Add a Comment
Sep 25, 2007 Receiving Compliments Add a Comment
Sep 18, 2007 Hurting Others on Purpose Add a Comment
Sep 11, 2007 Spiritual Ideals and Shaming Jackals Add a Comment
Sep 04, 2007 Self-Empathy and Jackals 1 Comment
Aug 28, 2007 Self-Empathy, Needs, & Requests Add a Comment
Aug 21, 2007 Self-Empathy and “Being a Big Container” Add a Comment
Aug 14, 2007 “Healthy Disconnect" Add a Comment
Aug 07, 2007 Taming Your Monkey Mind Add a Comment
Jul 17, 2007 Lasting Happiness in Ice Cream Add a Comment
Jul 10, 2007 When others become ”Its” Add a Comment
Jul 03, 2007 Street Giraffe 5 Comments
Jun 19, 2007 Ah ha caught you in an assumption! Add a Comment
Jun 12, 2007 Are you hiding behind empathy? Add a Comment
Jun 06, 2007 The Spirituality of NVC Add a Comment
May 29, 2007 Relief from Anxiety Add a Comment
May 22, 2007 “You have no choice!” Add a Comment
May 15, 2007 Compassion vs. Saving Add a Comment
May 01, 2007 Less is More Add a Comment
Apr 24, 2007 Deflected Empathy Add a Comment
Apr 14, 2007 Apologies That Help 3 Comments
Mar 27, 2007 Requests - Giving the Gift of Your Needs 2 Comments
Mar 20, 2007 I can’t stop analyzing! Add a Comment
Mar 13, 2007 When You Can't Change Others Add a Comment
Mar 07, 2007 Curing the "I'm so busy" Disease Add a Comment
Feb 27, 2007 Personal Boundaries Add a Comment
Feb 20, 2007 Jackal Language & Reactivity Add a Comment
Feb 13, 2007 Feelings that blame? Add a Comment
Jan 30, 2007 Praise Add a Comment
Jan 16, 2007 Doing NVC vs. Living NVC Add a Comment
Jan 09, 2007 “Don’t Criticize me!” vs. Do-able requests Add a Comment
Dec 19, 2006 Family Healing Add a Comment
Dec 12, 2006 Needy Add a Comment
Nov 28, 2006 Needs, what are they? Add a Comment
Nov 21, 2006 When others don’t change 2 Comments
Nov 14, 2006 Comparing Jackals Add a Comment
Nov 07, 2006 Giving from the Heart Add a Comment
Sep 19, 2006 It’s not about NVC Add a Comment